There are stages to grieving. I am past the denial and anger stage, but no where near the acceptance point. Last week when I pulled up to my mom's house there was a "for sale" sign in my dad's semi truck. My heart sank. I knew it was for sale, but to actually see the sign just caught me off guard. My dad was an independent truck driver-he owned his semi truck and was basically a self-employed contractor. Even though his cancer was taking a toll on him physically, he did not want to stop driving. He spent his last seconds alive in his semi truck. I've been wanting to go inside of my dad's truck. I wanted to see it before it was cleaned out. I wanted to see his bag, his papers, his cup, and even his blood. It sounds weird, but my dad was alone when he died and if I could see his truck in the state that it was before it was cleaned, then maybe I could find some sense of closure. I could in some strange way "be there?" I guess? I did get a chance to go inside, but there wasn't any traces of him. Lil Marcus came outside with me and well he wanted to sit in the truck too.
My Dad and Son in 2008
My Son 2010
On the picture right above, I kept trying to get Marcus' attention, but he kept looking up. I'm just going to put this out there, but on the 2010 pictures of my son there is a white glowing spot that shows up in these pictures. The white glow is on his knee in the picture of him sitting outside of the truck and on the pictures of my son inside the truck its between him and the steering wheel. Its not a glare from the sun because we were shaded under the tree. Maybe its a speck on my camera lens or maybe its something more.
So much has happened since my last post. I honestly have not had too much motivation lately and even though I've had so much to say since August, I just flat out didn't. I'm trying to set a new schedule for myself and blogging is going on it, so hopefully I will stick to it.
I bought Marcus some play dough (please contain the "ooOOoo's and Aahhh's). I've always wanted to buy him some, but now I can finally trust him not to eat it...I think.
On September 3rd-6th My mom and little brother came to Jacksonville to visit.
When they arrived and was walking toward my apartment building, my son told my mom, "Wait, we have to wait for Gardner." My son calls my dad Gardner. My mom wants my son to call her Mrs Gardner, but no, he calls her grandma. My mom told my son that my dad was not with them. My dad never got a chance to visit us in Jacksonville. My brother and mom had a really great time and we were so glad that they came to visit. The very next weekend my husband's mom and oldest brother came to visit.
On September 23rd we went to The Landing to have lunch and we noticed very expensive tour buses next door at the Times Union Center. Later that night at 8:30pm I thought about what we saw and decided to google the Times Union Center to see who was there and found out that it was DRAKE!! By 9:00pm I was there watching him live. He put on a really great show. Baby from Cash Money showed up and did a verse and talked about Lil Wayne. Here is a video of a funny moment from the show.
After we got done with family visits our next focus was our one week vacation in Pensacola in celebration of our 3 year wedding anniversary. We got married on Pensacola beach on September 29, 2007
This year we decided to come home and stay on the beach. Things did not go as planned, but then again, they never do. First of all I wasn't even suppose to see Lil Marcus on September 29, 2010, but as you can see from our balcony breakfast, he didn't miss a thing.
Afternoon drinks with fun in the sun.....
he didn't miss that either. Lil Marcus had the most fun out of everyone during our week vacation.
My friend Mary's party was the final closer of my week in Pensacola. She had a birthday party planned on October 2nd at my usual beach hang out-The Portofino. Marcus was back in town on Saturday (he left to go back to Jacksonville on Thursday for a Young Jeezy concert and he took his friend and middle brother with him) and planned to make things up to me for having such a sucky week and sucky anniversary. We went to Five Sister's for a late lunch, but Lil Marcus was right there with us. Don't get me wrong I love spending time with my son, but my husband and I never get to go and do things alone, we always have to take him. We finally dropped Lil Marcus off with my mother-in-law and headed to hotel Sole Inn downtown, but of course they were fully booked. We proceeded to Mary's party to drop off alcohol and then went to find a room on the beach. Only to find that everywhere was completely booked, so we decided to worry about where we were going to stay after the party. Mary had a great turn out, but unfortunately she was placed right above a resident that was being ridiculously unreasonable and complained about everything. It got to a point where I called down to the front office and security to complain about him. I could understand if we were being loud and acting a complete fool, but there wasn't anything loud going on....except for when someone kind of almost got murdered.
Isn't her cake adorable?! Everything you see is edible.
Oh yeah, I kind of skimmed over the murdered part huh? So we are upstairs and I noticed that I haven't seen my husband in awhile. I went downstairs to find him in the truck sick...so much for our plans. Nope, no sympathy here, that's what alcohol does...
And in his lap, that he used to wipe his vomit lips was my fairly new shirt. I told him to hold tight, that I would go upstairs and let Mary know that I was leaving. I broke the news to Mary and told her that I would take a few pictures before I left, but little did I know, I would not be leaving as soon as I thought.
Apparently there was a very intense game of dominoes going on. So intense that I actually to a picture of the players-something caught my ear between the two so I took their picture.
I will continue this story by calling them gray shirt and white shirt. I am standing by the counter in the picture below, getting my things together when I hear a commotion behind me. I turn and find gray shirt has slammed white shirt against the door and is holding white shirt by his throat with a butcher knife in his opposite hand.
The gift bag in the picture is blocking the knife and notice how far I moved from the counter. The confrontation went on for a while. Gray shirt had the knife to white shirt's face threatening to kill him. He even kept jabbing it towards his face as he held him by his throat. I will never forget the fear in white shirt's eyes and the helplessness I felt, because I could not help him. The guy in the red shirt was trying to diffuse the situation and get the knife, but gray shirt would not budge. The woman in the kitchen tried to get the knife, but he turned around and swung the knife at her. Eventually gray shirt let white shirt go, only to have white shirt stupidly go after gray shirt gripping a Grey Goose bottle. I know white shirt was embarrassed, but sometimes you can't let your pride guide you into dumb situations. I'm not sure exactly what happened after gray and white shirt left, but we did hear screams outside and found the knife and the Grey Goose bottle shattered in the parking lot. Did I mention that the dispute was over $20?
The party continued and despite all of the interruptions Mary swears she had a good time.
I finally made it down to Marcus, who had successfully filled his cup up with vomit. He missed all the action. We never found a room and ended up sleeping at my mother-in-law's house. We made it back to Jacksonville Sunday night. Hopefully my next trip to Pensacola in 2 weeks will go much better.
YEAH!!! I got my Vibram Fivefingers!! These are shoes that allow you to feel barefoot while protecting your feet. I have Dyshidrosis which is a rare, non contagious form of eczema that affects your hands and feet. I rarely get it on my hands, but my feet have been a battle. I was doing so good, until the end of May when it came back and it's been pretty bad. Dermatologist claim that its stress induced, so I'll probably be dealing with this for awhile. With Dyshidrosis I am most comfortable when I am not wearing shoes, but I can't just walk around barefoot all day. When I heard about these shoes I just had to have them and luckily Jacksonville is one of the few places that actually have a retailer. I am trying to loose weight (again) and my trainer insists on killing me on the treadmill. Running in my sneakers hurt and I remembered when I would run on my treadmill at home before we moved I would eventually end up taking off my shoes.
I've had them for a few days and I love them. I wear them to the gym, to the store, to the bathroom-just everywhere. They are a little hard to put on at first because of having to separate all of your toes, but I am getting faster at it. These shoes are the Treksport which were recommend as the most versatile for runners. The sole is thicker than most of the other styles so I do plan on getting another pair that are more casual and just restrict the Treksport for the gym.
On Saturday, August 21st Lil Marcus and I attended the Paint the Paws Festival for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Paint the Paws is a tradition to help kick off the football season where fans come out and paint paw prints on Bay Street that lead to the stadium. We live downtown and I thought it would be a good activity for Lil Marcus to try. We arrived on time at 8 am and we met two of the Jaguar cheerleaders.
At first Lil Marcus wasn't too interested in the cheerleaders, but then he wouldn't stop talking to them. He was suppose to be on the news....
But he was too busy talking to the cheerleader!!!
He hung out with her until she had to leave.
After she left, he did get some work done.
Breakfast was provided, so after we finished painting I had a bagel and Lil Marcus had a doughnut. We tried to wait for the mascot to come down, but we had a lot of things to do and I am sure we will get another chance to meet him.
I thought we were going to The Landing to have a nice dinner and some drinks, but as usual we ended up at my husband and my son's favorite place to eat....HOOTERS!! Don't get me wrong, I use to love to eat at Hooters. I can recall eating alone at Hooters back in Pensacola during my car salesman days. My husband, like most men claims that he likes to eat there for the food, but he can never say it with a straight face. One weekend we ate Hooters for dinner and then ate there the next day when they opened. Its so bad that if we don't go in to Hooters my 4 year old will burst into tears, "Wait, wait, we got to go eat at the Hooters!" My son is going through this phase where he puts "the" in front of places: the Wal-mart, the Target, the Wendy's, the Red Monster (Lobster), and his favorite place, the Pensacola. I took these blurry pictures of our LAST visit to Hooters and I mean LAST(for awhile, I'm a sucker for their wings and curly fries). Marcus and Lil Marcus are free to go there and enjoy the view food, but I won't be there...
After reading the boring and depressing The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, I wanted my next book to be quick, light, and easy. Someone Will Be With You Shortly is sort of an autobiography, written in first person by the author. Lisa Kogan is a writer for none other then O Magazine, and this book was recommended as a great summer read. The book is only about 180 pages, which was a breeze compared to the other books I've read this summer. Lisa tells stories about her life and she tells them with such wit and humor. Each chapter tells a quick story, completely different from the chapter before. Its as if she's sitting, curled up at the other end of the couch just chatting.
She's a busy, 49 year old, single mom of a 6 year old and I couldn't believe how much we have in common. One of my favorite moments in the book is when she had just had her baby a few weeks prior and she was in some sort of small, low key, neighborhood deli having what she called a "perfect moment" where she meets a sweet little old lady. Lisa and the lady share stories while waiting in line about the history they share with the neighborhood deli. Lisa feels like this lady is her soul mate and they share such a deep and pure connection until as she states,"My new buddy suddenly reached out her little bony liver-spotted hand, patted my baby-free middle, and asked the one question nobody should ever ask: 'When are you due?'" Lisa continues with, after figuring the old lady must have had"some sort of death wish," with this paragraph: "I don't care if the woman you're asking is wearing a T-shirt with a giant rhinestone-encrusted arrow that points to her belly and reads BABY ON BOARD. I don't care if she's writhing on a gurney in the birthing room of Mount Sinai Hospital, screaming for an epidural as an obstetrician announces, 'One more push and the baby will be out!' You never, never, ever, under any circumstances, ask a woman when she's due. 'June,' I replied to the lady."I laughed so hard, because the same thing happened to me in Badcocks. The sales lady asked me if I "knew what I was having?" and I replied, "um... no" The sales lady then said, "Oh, so you are keeping it a surprise?! How neat!" and I said, "Oh yeah, we're keeping it a big surprise," and never wore that dress again.
There was a huge "light bulb" moment for me in the book. Lisa had this one passage that I literally read over and over-I even read it to my husband, because it summed up what I had been doing. It was if those words were written by me. On page 155 Lisa said: "I allowed myself to gain weight, and maybe as a punishment, or maybe as a form of denial, or maybe because I couldn't find plus-sized clothes that corresponded to the way I wanted to look (simple, sleek, modern, with just a hint of bling), I gave up on trying to look any way at all. I stopped paying attention to myself and hoped everyone else would have the decency to do the same." Ugh, I'm teary eyed just typing that, it's exactly what I have been doing and how I've felt, down to the wanting of "simple, sleek, modern" style of clothes.
Anyway, Someone Will Be With You Shortly was exactly what I was looking for as far as a segue book and more.
Out of 5 Stars I give this book- 4 stars
HAVE YOU READ THIS BOOK? IF SO, PLEASE POST A COMMENT SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS!! IF NOT, GO CHECK IT OUT FROM YOU LOCAL LIBRARY & WE CAN DISCUSS IT HERE ON MY BLOG!
When we first moved to Jacksonville Lil Marcus picked out a book at Target named Not Norman by Kelly Bennett. The story is about a boy who gets a goldfish for his birthday that he did not want, but after trying to get rid of him, he realized that Norman the goldfish was not so bad after all. Since the main character in the book happened to be black, my son swore that it was him, and therefore he, according to the book need to get a goldfish named Norman.We told him that once we moved and got situated that we would go get him "a Norman." The term "an elephant never forgets," should be changed to "Marcus Murphy Jr never forgets," because he never forgot our deal. So without any further ado...Here's Norman
